Couple Reviews

I finished up

yesterday and it was a great read. I'm not going to review it anymore here, as it already has a well-written review by

Jennifer Ivey

on her website http://www.jenniferivey.com/. She most certainly does the book justice. I also finished reading

I really enjoyed the beginning of the book, as Kevin Smith is a favorite person of mine and it was pretty cool to get a glimpse into his everyday life. It did get quite monotonous, however, as it turns out that his life is usually just as "boring" as most of ours. Sure, he hangs out with Ben Affleck every once in awhile, but he's usually just going to get take-out Quizno's and playing rummy with his wife and daughter. If you don't really care about the day-to-day happenings of the Smith family, you should still try to find a way to read the section "Me and My Shadow" where he details his struggles in trying to help Jason Mewes kick heroin. It's a great read for anyone who has ever tried to help a friend or love one kick an addiction and really exemplifies the fact that you can never help someone who does not want to help himself. Plus, it ends happily, as Mewes is, to the best of my knowledge, still heroin-free today.

Snack Money

Something weird happend the other night. It was around 11:30 p.m. when I saw a shadow move across the window looking out onto my front porch. This was swiftly followed by a hard knock at the door. As I don't exactly live in the safest neighborhood, this was a little alarming. I walked over to the window to see who it was. I saw a young, innocent-looking guy that I definitely did not know standing patiently at the door. I cracked it a bit in case four or five other guys were hiding somewhere out of sight and ready to barge the door.

Me: "Can I help you?" (Or something to that effect).

He did not speak, but he did hand me a small note.

Small note: "I need three dollars for a snack."

I am not making this up. I looked a little more closely at the guy. He did have a sort of "off" look to him. I began to think that he must be mute and was obviously in need of help. I began to reach in my pockets to see if I had anything to spare. I was stopped quickly by a voice of reason (unfortunately not mine, as I am often a giant idiot).

Voice of Reason: "What are you doing? You can't give him any money!"

Me (Brainless Wonder): "Why not? He seems kind of off."

Voice of Reason: "You cannot go knocking on the door of a complete stranger's house at 11:30 at night and ask for money. I don't care what's wrong with you. If nothing else, it's not safe for him to be doing it. You absolutely cannot encourage this type of behavior."

Me (Slowly Coming Around): "You are absolutely right."

Me (To our late night visitor): "I'm sorry. I can't help you."

He gives me a little okay sign, I cut the porch light off, and my night slowly returns back to normal. I've thought about this incident quite a bit over the last couple of days, and I have come to some conclusions. Well, mostly just one conclusion.

1. I will never give money to panhandlers again.

Well, this does come with an amendment.
Amendment A: Rule 1 is null and void if said panhandler is missing an appendage. I simply am a sucker for a lost limb. I just feel like these people show an obvious need, so I always feel worse if I do not help them.

ANYWAY, I am not a bad person for not wanting to perpetuate this panhandling business. I like to help people. I just don't think that dropping money on someone just sitting on the street asking for it is helping. I used to. I'm starting to understand that giving someone some change at that moment does nothing more than just make you feel a little better about yourself for a few moments. It's the absolute least you can do. You have no idea if that bit of money will help them, or if they will use it to further dig themselves in a drug or alcohol hole. It's like sticking an "I Support the Troops" bumper sticker on your car and leaving it at that. If you supplement your bumper sticker with some Care Packages over to Iraq, a donation to the VFW hospital, a letter to a friend or family member serving, etc....then, yes, you support the troops. If you don't do anything but stick a bumper sticker on your car, the only thing you are supporting is the bumper sticker industry.

There are many organizations right here in Asheville that are set up to help people in need. Habitat for Humanity, The Asheville Homeless Network, The Salvation Army, Spare Change for Real Change and Homeward Bound are but a few places where people work hard every day and volunteer a lot of time to help these people. They need and deserve your support and I know that every dime you give them goes to help the greater good. These are the organizations that will get my "snack money" from now on. I really believe that it is the only way to make a real difference.

World Champ

C.E.D. Hendersonville is now home to the HVW World Champion, and proud we are.

FOOTBAPOCALYPSE

It's official. It just sunk in. It's taken six days, but I'm ready to deal with this. Tom Brady is out for the rest of the season. He only made it 8 minutes this year. It happend on this play:

If you want to see something that makes my stomach turn, here it is:

I can basically kiss this NFL season goodbye. Our defense is just average and our backup QB (Matt Cassel) has not started a football game since high school. There's still some talent on offense, but this looks really bleak. I am thus far undefeated in two fantasy leagues, but it's a small consolation to losing your favorite player for the season 8 freaking minutes into it. I wish I could turn to the college ranks to make myself feel better, but Michigan looks completely awful. We will be lucky if the game against Notre Dame even finishes today. I'm not sure that either team knows enough football to fill four quarters. My new team, Clemson, on which I sprung for season tickets, started out the year ranked in the top ten and then proceeded to be embarassed on national television by Alabama. Possibly the only thing worse than losing a million hand in foot games in a row to Bo Ivey is having his team throttle yours as a major underdog in the first game of the year. He has shown remarkable restraint following this victory, as I have not (yet) been subjected to any type of taunts regarding this calamity. I would have been down at the zoo taking pictures of me feeding the Tigers old Bear Bryant hats by now. Roll tide indeed.

Silence is Golden

I made a bet with Fix that went like this: the first person to cut his hair had to have his head completely shaven by the other guy in the store. We made it a couple of months, before coming to a gentlemanly agreement on Monday to go get it cut at the same time. I've always felt nostalgic for the old-school barber shops:

I'm not sure why. I used to go to the old barber shop in Sylva with my Grandpa when I was little. It really freaked me out more than anything. All these gossiping old men scared the crap out of me. This being my only real experience with vintage haircutting, I'm not quite sure where the nostalgia comes from. I just know that it is there. Alas, Fix and I were not headed to the barber shop, but to the local Smartcuts or Costcutters or Scissors Palace or whichever one of those is the one next to Harris Teeter. We sat patiently waiting our turn and discussing which "stylist" we would probably get. This is very important when you are like me and you don't have a "stylist" that you use every time. I always go to one of the cheap, cookie cutter places and I get someone different every time. And I always wonder what the conversation is going to be like. It usually begins awkwardly, peaks about the time the protective apron is wrapped around you, and finally staggers to the finish line right when my neck is being trimmed up. It always feels so forced. I consider myself a pretty friendly, outgoing person. I've had several stylists that have also seemed this way. Somehow, though, it's always awful. I wish you could just slip on some headphones and they would wake you when its over.

Fix and I had the field narrowed down to two choices: a young, chipper, alternative looking fellow and and older, slightly mean looking lady who we were pretty sure was whispering to another stylist about us repeatedly when we first came in. I got the guy. He turned out to be okay. As my hair is very simple and difficult to screw up, the conversation is all I'm ever worried about. This guy was definitely a talker. In the first 30 seconds we had talked about cosmetology school, the apple festival, the fair, his hometown, and his girlfriend. I later learned that he was part of a band that was attempting to draw influence from both

Johnny Cash

AND

I'm not sure if he got this idea after hearing Johnny Cash cover a Trent Reznor song or if that's just the best example he had, but I'd be interested in hearing the result. After all, Cash's cover of "Hurt" is one of the best songs I have ever heard. Definitely up there with "All Along the Watchtower" as one of the best covers of all time. Anyway, as interesting as this was, I'd still take the headphones. I don't think it makes me a bad person. People should never engage in forced conversation. He was a human chatterbox, so it may not have been forced for him. It definitely was for me. This is not to say that I would prefer silence (this is what happend to Fix, who did get stuck with the mean old lady). A polite greeting and quick discussion about the upcoming job is all you need. It's just like when you run into a guy you had a class with in high school. You stop for a sec, say hi, and go on your merry way. It's better for everybody, especially those of us who have never committed to a "stylist."

Some Reviews

I never realized how important librarians were. I always just sort of pictured them sitting behind the desk, checking out your books, and administering late fees. I could never understand why you needed a Master's Degree to do that. Then I read

Scott Douglas really opened my eyes to how much good a quality librarian can be to a community. He has so many stories of people he helped, from feeding hungry kids to helping someone craft a resume to being a good friend to some older patrons who lacked company in their lives. He tells his stories in a swift moving, humorous way that never comes across as self-righteous. He did not speak highly of the Master's program he had to take to become an official librarian. It seems that my suspicions were somewhat founded. I do feel like a Master's is necessary in this field, but should concern itself more with psychology or group dynamics than the Dewey Decimal system. I followed this up with

Yes, that is Hugh Laurie from "House." I was a little skeptical of this novel based on that fact, but it turns out that Mr. Laurie can write really well. He wasn't just given a free ride based on his cable television fame. This book is funny, suspenseful, and, best of all, full of British humor and dialogue which I love. The plot is well thought out and quite complicated. This will definitely become a movie soon. I can only hope that Simon Pegg will star in it. Moving from print to the big screen, Ivey and I watched

yesterday. I liked it. It's not my favorite Woody Allen film (that honor goes to "Anything Else"), but it definitely has his touch all over it. I was a little annoyed by the two female leads, Rebecca Hall and Scarlett Johansson, for playing the "I just don't know what I want" role a little too much. Javier Bardem starts off as kind of a sleaze, but he really comes off pretty well. One of my favorite aspects of this film was how Allen gave more than usual depth to Chris Messina's charachter, Doug. He could have portrayed him as the one-dimensional New York businessman, all money and gadgets and conservative leanings, but he manages to get out quite a few intelligent, well-spoken lines and really leans the audience more into his corner. Penelope Cruz was totally amazing and by far my favorite character in the film. You will think about this one for awhile after it is over, as Woody never gift wraps and ending for us, which I really like. It's not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

Nash Bridges and a rainy day

I officially need to go back to work. I sat through an entire episode of "Nash Bridges" today. And I kind of liked it. "Nash Bridges." Seriously.

I have a few defenses for this. It's raining like crazy here. I can't go to the beach or the pool. I could go get a workout in, but of course I'm putting that off until tonight. So, I was sitting on the couch reading a book while my grandpa was watching "Nash Bridges." I started finding myself watching more and reading my book less. This show was captivating me despite the following problems:

1. Cheech is a cop! Is this lost on anyone else? And the thing is, it works for him. If I were going to be arrested, I definitely would want to be arrested by Cheech.
2. Don Johnson's hair is unbelievable. There are a few plot points in the episode I just watched that I was willing to suspend disbelief for (we'll get to these later), but I just cannot swallow the fact that the captain of the San Francisco Police Department's special investigation unit is able to maintain this news anchor hair throughout an entire episode.
3. Don Johnson calls everyone "bubba." And somehow this works for him.
4. Jamie P. Gomez (Inspector Evan Cortez) was shot IN THE THROAT BY AN ASSAULT RIFLE during a bank robbery in the opening minutes and somehow made it back to his desk at the office by the end of the episode, which spanned maybe a week in real time.
5. The group of henchmen in this episode (who Don Johnson describes early on as the most professional theives he has ever seen), pull two high profile bank robberies during the first half hour of the show. Then, instead of leaving town and getting away with it, these PROFESSIONALS stick around to pull off an $8 MILLION DOLLAR FOOD STAMP HEIST. I would love to say that you can't make this stuff up, but someone obviously did and managed to sell it to the producers of "Nash Bridges" to form an episode. Of course the theives manage to kidnap Nash and Cheech and are killed when Nash picks the lock of his handcuffs and drives a 1983 Ford Pinto (that he and Cheech had recovered for a professional baseball player) into the building, blowing it up just after he and Cheech leap from the second story. How did this show ever get cancelled?

I need to find a hobby.

The Man in the Mirror

I've been reading a lot of self-reflecting books lately. This hasn't been on purpose, it's just sort of worked out that way. They say these things happen in threes, and it appears that they are right. Exhibit A:

This book is about many things, but it is written by Dave Eggers and any book written by Dave Eggers is inherently about Dave Eggers. This is not a criticism. It really never comes off as self-absorbed or egocentric when Dave Eggers does it. He is an incredible writer. One of the best I have ever read. The inside of his head may be the most interesting place on the planet, which is one of the reasons he is able to get away with writing about himself so much. I've also read

David Sedaris may be one of the funniest people ever. And, I just found out, he attended WCU for like half a semester before dropping out and transferring to Kent State. I don't have a lot in common with David Sedaris. His family is way more messed up than mine. I'm not gay. I have never penned a best-selling novel. I would never live in Paris. Basically, we're both from North Carolina (although, to be fair, he's from Raleigh which might as well be in another universe from Sylva). He really has a way of connecting with his reader, though, and I really started to feel like I was very much like Davis Sedaris by the end of the book which is not even remotely true. That is why he is a good writer and that is why everyone should read this book. I'm glad Ivey let me borrow it. Now we move on to the third portion of my self-obsessed trifecta of writers. He's probably not the best at it (Dave Eggers might as well write his stuff as he strolls across the nearest lake or river) and he doesn't like Jim Morrison. He's one of those guys that can make you feel inadequate if you don't share the same taste in obscure 80's pop music. Did I mention he has an acute hatred of Jim Morrison? Normally this would bother me, but I've got to look past it because this

is already on my top ten favorite books of all time and climbing fast. I feel like I read it in about five minutes. I could not put it down. Chuck Klosterman was already one of my favorite writers. I've probably read "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" fifteen times. He's great when he's commenting on pop culture, but he really took it to another level with this candid look into his personal life. The pop culture stuff is still there in spades, but it's the "High Fidelity" aspect of the book that really hooked me and kept me quickly turning the pages. Please read this book. It doesn't get any better than this. So, all of this has led me here:

Yes, that's Robert Downey Jr. And I'm sure you're wondering (and rightfully so) how these three books led to Robert Downey Jr. I will tell you. It's the combination of a late night, soul-searching phone conversation, the forced self-reflection of the aforementioned books, and, possibly, the fact that I went to see "Tropic Thunder" tonight (which is freaking awesome by the way). You see, guys like Robert Downey Jr. are my favorite kind of guys. Guys who have it all, but for some reason or another just can't quite get it together enough to lead a normal life. It fascinates me to no end to see these guys blow it when they have it made. Well, that sounds terrible. I don't necessarily want to see them fail, I'm actually pulling hard for them. It's just that the propensity to blow it all is what makes them so damn interesting in the first place. People like Downey (huge drug problem), Charlie Sheen (drugs, hookers) and Jim Morrison (wasted talent, drugs, early death) seem so much more real than all the other cookie cutter celebrities. I feel like I can see a little of myself in them. Not so much in the money or looks department, just the propensity to self-destruct. There are a long list of things in my life that I feel I have deliberately sabatoged in one way or another so that things did not go smoothly and I would seem more interesting. I do this with school, work, relationships........my idiocy often knows no bounds. I like to think that I don't ever work on a novel because of this and that I can really finish one whenever I want. This is probably not even close to being true as I am sure that I am now romanticizing this entire situation as it applies to these guys and then trying desperately to apply it to my own life so that I have a built-in excuse for when I fail at something. In reality, I'm probably just too lazy to complete a novel. Self-sabotage just seems so much more damned interesting than lazy as hell. I've got to start getting some sleep.

Stop this Train

"So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find a way to say that life has just begun"

-John Mayer "Stop this Train"

Sometimes, I think John Mayer can read my mind. It almost freaks me out a little. That's all I got today.

Always Waiting

I ain't exactly up.

I ain't gone too far down.

I'm looking for some answers and there ain't noone around.

I guess I'll lose my mind waitin' in this purgatory line.

-Shonna Tucker

GETTING NUMB WITH TOM MORELLO

Things haven't been exactly great lately. I've spent a lot of time trying not to think. About anything really. I've rented lame movies that you can cut your brain off for. I've played computer games. I've mindlessly searched the net, looking for what I don't know. Some of these things work. I've found driving to be the hardest part. I always listen to music or NPR when I'm driving by myself. The problem is, NPR is out because it brings up too many painful memories right now and I hate all my other music because it's either too happy, too sad, too old, too new, blah, blah, blah....it's tough to find something to numb you in a medium that was created to inspire all types of feelings in you. I've been searching for something that would allow me to reach some sort of numbness, or a mental purgatory if you will. I don't want to be happy right now, as weird as that seems to say. It seems annoying and wrong. I don't exactly want to wallow in sadness either, as that is not very much fun. I basically just want to exist for a few weeks until I hopefully start feeling better. Enter Tom Morello.

Tom Morello rose to fame as a guitarist for Rage Against the Machine and Audioslave. In 2007, he released a solo acoustic album titled "One Man Revolution." It's a little hard to categorize. Maybe coffee shop, folksy anarchy. It's a great album that I was introduced to by my friend Nick a few months ago. I'd almost forgotten about it until I happend to stumble upon it yesterday while looking for another CD. I threw it in and found exactly what I've been looking for lately. This album seems meant to inspire thought and political acivism. It's well-written, morose and melodic tunes describing a world that seems close to slipping off the rails unless we get off our lazy butts and do something about it now. "Viva la revolucion!" and all that. In a normal state, it succeeds well on that level. However, in my current frame of mind, it's the only music I've found that allows me just to drift off to that vacant place in my head and hang out for awhile until my road trip is over. The combination of Morello's deep cadence and that harmonica just put me out. It's great. I know Morello would probably hate to hear that the album he wrote to inspire action is being used to help me just space out, but it's been a Godsend.

So, if it happens to turn out that those old Roman Catholics are right and those of us not good enough to go up and not bad enough to go down end up hanging out in Purgatory's coffeehouse for awhile, I can only hope that Tom Morello will be there strumming his heart out and helping us all to pass the time.

CATFIGHT

First off, I'd like to say welcome...

Here is my first foray into the blogosphere. I've spent most of the night designing my page with Ivey. Now I'm anxious to see what a post looks like, but I don't really feel like writing one. So, here are some book recommendations for the readers out there:

This is a great read. Lots of cool history involved, very Da Vinci Code-like, and with the added benefit of vampires. I'm gonna be sorry to see this one end. Thank you, Gabe.

This is one of the best books I have read in awhile. It's centered around the office life of a crumbling advertising firm riding the last wave of our bloated economy. The office hijinks are funny, but the best part of the book is Joshua Ferris' keen insight into the lives of other people. He definitely has a gift.

So, there it is. First blog in the books. Now it's time to watch the rest of the Mole and hope that Nicole gets voted off.