Resolutions, Procrastinating Style

It's been a bit of a rough start to 2010 in a few different ways, so I'm a little late on getting to my resolutions.  Well, these aren't all resolutions exactly, but they are nice to think about.  I robbed them off of an e-mail forward from Duncan.  I edited out both the hokey lines and the ones that I didn't feel applied to me.  This is what was left: 



Health

-Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince, and dinner like a beggar.

-Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and less food that is manufactured in plants.

-Sleep for 7 hours.

Personality

-Don't compare your life to others.  You have no idea what their journey is about.

-Don't overdo.  Keep your limits.

-Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does.

-Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.

-Envy is a waste of time.  You already have all you need.

-Make peace with your past so it won't spoil your present.

Society

-Call your family often.

-Each day give something good to others.

-Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.

-What other people think of you is none of your business.

-Your job won't take care of you when you were sick.  Your friends will.  Stay in touch.

Life

-Get rid of everything that isn't useful, beautiful, or joyful.

-No matter how you feel, get up, dress up, and show up.



I would like to think that I will be able to keep these in mind for longer than just today.  My past work with New Year's Resolutions does not leave much hope for that, but I'm remaining optimistic that this is the year that all that changes.  Good luck to all of you on the changes you wish to make for 2010. 

Secondly, I'd also like to say welcome....

Jillian Riley Payne came into the world at 2:30 this morning.  This was not the most convenient time, as most of the family was trapped in their houses due to a giant winter snowstorm.  The power was off at the hospital and the room was lit by emergency lights.  Jillian didn't seem to mind the conditions.  She had put off her journey into all of our lives long enough, only eight days after the arrival of her cousin Lydia.  Jillian, I wish we could have been there, but we are glad to have you nonetheless. 

First off, I'd like to say welcome....

While we all thought that Jillian would be the first to grace us with her presence, little Lydia came out of nowhere on Friday, January 22, 2010 to the tune of 7 lbs and 8 oz.

Congratulations to Karen and Nathan!  She was definitely worth the wait:

I'm an Indian Outlaw...

Well, not really.  I did find out a couple of weeks ago, however, that my Cherokee heritage is more significant than I once thought.  Ivey and I traveled to Cherokee (via Maggie Valley to pick up Dad) to spend some time with my Papaw Bill.  It had been way too long since I had seen him.  He wanted to take Dad and I around Cherokee to visit some of the graves of our ancestors.  We began the trip up from the museum at the grave of my great-great-great-great grandfather, Nimrod J. Smith.

Nimrod was quite the historical figure.  He's got to be the only member of our family with a Wikipedia page.  He was the fourth Principal Chief of the Eastern Band of the Cherokee Indians.  He fought for the Confederacy during the Civil War.  His Indian name was Tsaladihi (this roughly translates to "Charlie-killer" and was a conversion of his middle name "Jarrett.")  He worked very hard to get his people recognized as a tribe under federal law by the U.S. government and is generally credited as being the main driving force behind this taking place.  In short, he was pretty much a badass, although the world really could have done without that jheri-curl mullet:

From there we drove up into Birdtown where I saw the fantastically amazing headstone of Johnny (Bubba) Rowland:

Not only did this thing have an engraving of a dump truck on it, but his nickname seems to have been Cue Ball.  I can't remember exactly how he was related to me, but, based on these two things alone, I wish I could have gotten to meet him.  We also ran across the gravesite of Beauford Roland:

Beauford was shot in the back after a poker game gone wrong.  Three different brothers were tried for the murder, but none were ever convicted.  Seeing as how Papaw Bill and I both love Texas Hold'em a lot more than we should, it seems that the Roland gambling gene didn't die with Beauford on that night in 1981. 

We saw what has to be one of the coolest trees in the world:

It was a fun day and I really enjoyed learning a little more about the family history.  It's not often that you get three generations of Roland's together.  I'm glad Ivey finally got to meet Papaw Bill and I'm glad that she was there to take some good pictures.  I'll have to make sure not to put as much time in between the next visits.

I DO

I'm engaged to the most wonderful woman that I have ever met.  It's been a crazy ride, no doubt,  but worth every up and down to get to this point.  I know this news has surprised friends and family alike, and for good reason.  We were not even dating at the time of the proposal.  I have been asked more than once if I am sure I know what I am doing.

I do.

While it may seem a little sudden (and it is), this is the culmination of four and a half years of two people figuring one another out.  Love, passion, and compatability were never a problem.  I have never met someone so much like me.  She's funny, she loves football, and she has a giant heart.  No, we seemed to have everything you need, but we could never quite get over the hump.  I have always been quite scared of commitment of any sort.  Try me.  Come up and say "Travis, what is your favorite _________?"  and watch the blood drain from my face.  I will immediately start prefacing my answer with things like "I haven't thought about this a lot lately" or "I'm sure I'm leaving something out" or (my personal favorite) "How about a top 5?" 

I have finally found something I can commit to, though.  Once the realization hit, it was really quite easy.  Without this lady, my life seems a little darker, not as much fun, and very bland.  With her it's exciting, hopeful, and full of possibilities.  Could I make it without her, and her without me?  Sure we could.  But why would you want to, when the best life you can have is together?  I'm convinced I have found my soul mate and I'm excited about our future together.  We are planning a beach wedding, the leading candidate being

Charleston, SC

We will certainly have more details to share in the coming weeks.  We are so looking forward to sharing that day with our friends and family.  Thanks to all of you for riding this roller coaster over the years.  We never would have made it here without you. 

THE IRON BOWL!!

I was in Chattanooga, Tennessee for the 78th rendition of the Iron Bowl. For those of you not in the know, the Iron Bowl is moniker for the annual football battle between the University of Alabama (Roll Tide!) and the University of Auburn (War Eagle!). I have never had much of an affiliation for this game other than just being a big fan of college football. It's a major rivalry game that ranks right up there with Army/Navy, Michigan/Ohio State, and the Tobacco Road basketball war that is Carolina/Duke. For the past four years, however, the Iron Bowl has taken more prominence in my life. My fiance' is a major Auburn fan, much to the chagrin of her mother and father who bleed Alabama crimson. We were visiting said mother in Chattanooga during this year's Iron Bowl, so we trekked down to the local Buffalo Wild Wings for beers, football, and fun. This year's game did not hold much promise, as Alabama came in undefeated and ranked #2 in the country, while Auburn was having an off year. With a rivalry like this, however, you never know what is going to happen. Everyone was all smiles and peace-loving before kickoff

but that would soon change. Auburn scored first on a 67 yard end around and then recovered an onside kick and took a surprise 14-0 lead. Shirley was starting to get nervous, and it showed:

She befriended a TENNESSEE fan (puke) who was adamant that I drop Michigan and pick up an SEC team so that Ivey doesn't have to marry "out of conference." If Alabama didn't score soon, I feared that she may end up like this:

Alabama did turn it around, however. Down 21-19 late in the fourth quarter, quarterback Greg McElroy put together a 79 yard touchdown march that will forever be known in Bear Bryant country as "The Drive." It ended with a touchdown pass to a senior running back (Roy Upchurch) that had never had a touchdown catch. When Rolando McClain batted down Auburn's hail mary in the end zone, Shirley could breathe easy again. At the end of the day, it felt like a win/win for everyone. Shirley gets her shot at the national title game, Ivey has to feel good about Auburn's prospects for next year, and I got to see a great college football game. With all due respect to Roll Tide! and War Eagle!, though, I do hope that one day Go Blue! will once again play in a game that means something.......

Tweaking on Catnip

-courtesy of Jennifer Ivey

Songs that make you say............

I feel like, at this point in my life, I understand real heartbreak. Well, romantic heartbreak anyway. I'm a never-married guy pushing 30 and I've had my share of break-ups, each seemingly worse than the last. I don't know that I could have truthfully said my heart had completely been broken until this last one. I'm talking real heartbreak. The kind that you can't seem to wrap your head around. The kind that just doesn't make any damn sense to you. The kind where you feel like you must have done something wrong to deserve this type of karmic punishment. James Earl Jones once said that "one of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter." Luckily for us, there are plenty of musicians out there who can utter them for us. I've compiled a personal top 10 list to get you through some different stages during this tough time. Here are the first five and an intermission. Enjoy.

Number 10



Live- "Lightning Crashes"

WHEN TO USE: IMMEDIATELY AFTER THE BREAK-UP

-This may seem like a strange choice, but let me explain. I had just gotten this cd back in 1994 as a freshman in high school right before I found out that my new girlfriend was seen making out with some other guy down at Mark Watson Park. Originally believing this to be untrue, I called her. Upon finding out from her that it was true, I listened to "Lightning Crashes" over and over again for probably two weeks. It helped in it's weird, sad way. Had I known that the band wrote the song for a friend of theirs who was killed by a drunk driver and then donated her organs to a 10 month old baby to keep it alive, I may have gained some valuable life perspective on what really matters and how unimportant this incident would be in ten years. However, not knowing that, 13 year old me continued to wallow in self-pity, hitting the repeat button on this song until I started high school and met some other girls who would do far worse than elociN (name reversed to protect the innocent) did.

Number 9


Drive-By Truckers- "A World of Hurt"

WHEN TO USE: AS SOON AS YOU GET TIRED OF "LIGHTNING CRASHES"


-Okay, you're still pretty early on with this thing. Food doesn't taste right. The sun doesn't seem to rise as high in the sky as it used to. You can't even distract yourself properly. Anything you once liked, you now despise. No, you don't want to go out with your friends. No, you don't need a new book. No, you have no desire to see that movie even though you heard it was amazing. You just want to be alone with your sorrowful thoughts and self-pity. There's nothing wrong with that. Wallow away to the sound of Patterson's voice telling you that you don't need to buy a whore or kill yourself, that (if you hang around long enough and pay attention) it can actually be "great to be alive." You won't believe that right now, but you need to hear it.

Number 8


Red Hot Chili Peppers- "Under the Bridge"

WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU WENT TOO FAR

-I don't know what you did, and I don't need to know. Maybe you left a mean message on her blog. Bad, but not terrible. Maybe you called one of her best friends to see if she's seeing somebody new. Borderline creepy and stalker-ish. Maybe you drove over to her house at midnight and knocked on the door after seeing another car there. Restraining order territory. It doesn't matter what you did. You're hurting. We all do things we wish we could take back. After your "incident" you are going to feel very alone. You will have nobody to help you. You're too embarassed with what you've done to even tell your friends the story. You will never feel the words to "Under the Bridge" more than you will at this point in your life. It will speak to you. While you are listening and coming to grips with your mistake, it may help you to think that Anthony Keidis was renting cheap motel rooms and shooting up with heroin all alone during some of his prime rock star years. Like I said, we've all felt alone and we've all done things we wish we could take back. Keep your head up.

Number 7


T.I.-"Dead and Gone"

WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU DO SOMETHING GOOD AFTER YOUR "INCIDENT"


-Okay, so you messed up. You're feeling down. You need to turn that around. As soon as you do something positive, keep that good feeling going with "Dead and Gone." Maybe you made it to the gym every day this week. Maybe you finally started that novel. Maybe you helped an old lady cross the road. Whatever it is, use it to help yourself get over your previous stalker/loser incident. "Dead and Gone" is all about washing away old sins and starting fresh, and that's just what you need right now. So, get your rap on and when Justin Timberlake hits those squeaky high notes, just know that he's singing about you. You're a new person. Thrust your chest out and get out there to face the world again.

Number 6


Lucero- "Nights Like These"

WHEN TO USE: WHEN YOU FIND OUT SHE'S SEEING SOMEONE ELSE


-This, my friends, is a tough one. I know you just started fresh with T.I., but this will bring you crashing back down faster than you ever thought possible. That's the problem with real heartbreak. It's a roller coaster. Extreme highs and extreme lows. You are gonna need Ben Nichols' scratchy voice and sad lyrics to get you through the next few days. He sings like he's been there before. Hell, he sings like he LIVES in agony and you're just a visitor stopping by for a short visit. Once you hear the depravity in that gravelly voice you will have to instantly feel a little better about yourself. His voice says that he's been places you don't want to go, and he's still here. It's the kind of message you can use right now.

INTERMISSION

-Do yourself a favor and youtube "Everyday Normal Guy" by Jon Lajoie. You will be glad you did.

Fantasy Football 2009!!

Well, another football fantasy draft is in the books. This is Michael showing off the belt that he gets to hold for the next year as the defending champion. There were quite a few surprises this year. Not many picks went as everyone expected. The completed board (while unreadable at this distance) looked like this:

Many thanks to Jennifer Ivey who was a great draft board writer (not the most exciting thing to do in the world) and also made a giant portion of her famous black bean salsa (with avocado!) that I will continue to get to enjoy today. Thanks to Michelle Patterson for standing in for our California friend Ryan Dills. All the food everyone brought was great and I think it turned out very well. I can only hope that this is Calvin Johnson's year and I will not end up looking like an idiot for taking him 3rd overall. Either way, thank God football season is almost here! Absolutely the best time of year.

Couple Reviews

I finished up

yesterday and it was a great read. I'm not going to review it anymore here, as it already has a well-written review by

Jennifer Ivey

on her website http://www.jenniferivey.com/. She most certainly does the book justice. I also finished reading

I really enjoyed the beginning of the book, as Kevin Smith is a favorite person of mine and it was pretty cool to get a glimpse into his everyday life. It did get quite monotonous, however, as it turns out that his life is usually just as "boring" as most of ours. Sure, he hangs out with Ben Affleck every once in awhile, but he's usually just going to get take-out Quizno's and playing rummy with his wife and daughter. If you don't really care about the day-to-day happenings of the Smith family, you should still try to find a way to read the section "Me and My Shadow" where he details his struggles in trying to help Jason Mewes kick heroin. It's a great read for anyone who has ever tried to help a friend or love one kick an addiction and really exemplifies the fact that you can never help someone who does not want to help himself. Plus, it ends happily, as Mewes is, to the best of my knowledge, still heroin-free today.

Snack Money

Something weird happend the other night. It was around 11:30 p.m. when I saw a shadow move across the window looking out onto my front porch. This was swiftly followed by a hard knock at the door. As I don't exactly live in the safest neighborhood, this was a little alarming. I walked over to the window to see who it was. I saw a young, innocent-looking guy that I definitely did not know standing patiently at the door. I cracked it a bit in case four or five other guys were hiding somewhere out of sight and ready to barge the door.

Me: "Can I help you?" (Or something to that effect).

He did not speak, but he did hand me a small note.

Small note: "I need three dollars for a snack."

I am not making this up. I looked a little more closely at the guy. He did have a sort of "off" look to him. I began to think that he must be mute and was obviously in need of help. I began to reach in my pockets to see if I had anything to spare. I was stopped quickly by a voice of reason (unfortunately not mine, as I am often a giant idiot).

Voice of Reason: "What are you doing? You can't give him any money!"

Me (Brainless Wonder): "Why not? He seems kind of off."

Voice of Reason: "You cannot go knocking on the door of a complete stranger's house at 11:30 at night and ask for money. I don't care what's wrong with you. If nothing else, it's not safe for him to be doing it. You absolutely cannot encourage this type of behavior."

Me (Slowly Coming Around): "You are absolutely right."

Me (To our late night visitor): "I'm sorry. I can't help you."

He gives me a little okay sign, I cut the porch light off, and my night slowly returns back to normal. I've thought about this incident quite a bit over the last couple of days, and I have come to some conclusions. Well, mostly just one conclusion.

1. I will never give money to panhandlers again.

Well, this does come with an amendment.
Amendment A: Rule 1 is null and void if said panhandler is missing an appendage. I simply am a sucker for a lost limb. I just feel like these people show an obvious need, so I always feel worse if I do not help them.

ANYWAY, I am not a bad person for not wanting to perpetuate this panhandling business. I like to help people. I just don't think that dropping money on someone just sitting on the street asking for it is helping. I used to. I'm starting to understand that giving someone some change at that moment does nothing more than just make you feel a little better about yourself for a few moments. It's the absolute least you can do. You have no idea if that bit of money will help them, or if they will use it to further dig themselves in a drug or alcohol hole. It's like sticking an "I Support the Troops" bumper sticker on your car and leaving it at that. If you supplement your bumper sticker with some Care Packages over to Iraq, a donation to the VFW hospital, a letter to a friend or family member serving, etc....then, yes, you support the troops. If you don't do anything but stick a bumper sticker on your car, the only thing you are supporting is the bumper sticker industry.

There are many organizations right here in Asheville that are set up to help people in need. Habitat for Humanity, The Asheville Homeless Network, The Salvation Army, Spare Change for Real Change and Homeward Bound are but a few places where people work hard every day and volunteer a lot of time to help these people. They need and deserve your support and I know that every dime you give them goes to help the greater good. These are the organizations that will get my "snack money" from now on. I really believe that it is the only way to make a real difference.

World Champ

C.E.D. Hendersonville is now home to the HVW World Champion, and proud we are.

FOOTBAPOCALYPSE

It's official. It just sunk in. It's taken six days, but I'm ready to deal with this. Tom Brady is out for the rest of the season. He only made it 8 minutes this year. It happend on this play:

If you want to see something that makes my stomach turn, here it is:

I can basically kiss this NFL season goodbye. Our defense is just average and our backup QB (Matt Cassel) has not started a football game since high school. There's still some talent on offense, but this looks really bleak. I am thus far undefeated in two fantasy leagues, but it's a small consolation to losing your favorite player for the season 8 freaking minutes into it. I wish I could turn to the college ranks to make myself feel better, but Michigan looks completely awful. We will be lucky if the game against Notre Dame even finishes today. I'm not sure that either team knows enough football to fill four quarters. My new team, Clemson, on which I sprung for season tickets, started out the year ranked in the top ten and then proceeded to be embarassed on national television by Alabama. Possibly the only thing worse than losing a million hand in foot games in a row to Bo Ivey is having his team throttle yours as a major underdog in the first game of the year. He has shown remarkable restraint following this victory, as I have not (yet) been subjected to any type of taunts regarding this calamity. I would have been down at the zoo taking pictures of me feeding the Tigers old Bear Bryant hats by now. Roll tide indeed.

Silence is Golden

I made a bet with Fix that went like this: the first person to cut his hair had to have his head completely shaven by the other guy in the store. We made it a couple of months, before coming to a gentlemanly agreement on Monday to go get it cut at the same time. I've always felt nostalgic for the old-school barber shops:

I'm not sure why. I used to go to the old barber shop in Sylva with my Grandpa when I was little. It really freaked me out more than anything. All these gossiping old men scared the crap out of me. This being my only real experience with vintage haircutting, I'm not quite sure where the nostalgia comes from. I just know that it is there. Alas, Fix and I were not headed to the barber shop, but to the local Smartcuts or Costcutters or Scissors Palace or whichever one of those is the one next to Harris Teeter. We sat patiently waiting our turn and discussing which "stylist" we would probably get. This is very important when you are like me and you don't have a "stylist" that you use every time. I always go to one of the cheap, cookie cutter places and I get someone different every time. And I always wonder what the conversation is going to be like. It usually begins awkwardly, peaks about the time the protective apron is wrapped around you, and finally staggers to the finish line right when my neck is being trimmed up. It always feels so forced. I consider myself a pretty friendly, outgoing person. I've had several stylists that have also seemed this way. Somehow, though, it's always awful. I wish you could just slip on some headphones and they would wake you when its over.

Fix and I had the field narrowed down to two choices: a young, chipper, alternative looking fellow and and older, slightly mean looking lady who we were pretty sure was whispering to another stylist about us repeatedly when we first came in. I got the guy. He turned out to be okay. As my hair is very simple and difficult to screw up, the conversation is all I'm ever worried about. This guy was definitely a talker. In the first 30 seconds we had talked about cosmetology school, the apple festival, the fair, his hometown, and his girlfriend. I later learned that he was part of a band that was attempting to draw influence from both

Johnny Cash

AND

I'm not sure if he got this idea after hearing Johnny Cash cover a Trent Reznor song or if that's just the best example he had, but I'd be interested in hearing the result. After all, Cash's cover of "Hurt" is one of the best songs I have ever heard. Definitely up there with "All Along the Watchtower" as one of the best covers of all time. Anyway, as interesting as this was, I'd still take the headphones. I don't think it makes me a bad person. People should never engage in forced conversation. He was a human chatterbox, so it may not have been forced for him. It definitely was for me. This is not to say that I would prefer silence (this is what happend to Fix, who did get stuck with the mean old lady). A polite greeting and quick discussion about the upcoming job is all you need. It's just like when you run into a guy you had a class with in high school. You stop for a sec, say hi, and go on your merry way. It's better for everybody, especially those of us who have never committed to a "stylist."

Some Reviews

I never realized how important librarians were. I always just sort of pictured them sitting behind the desk, checking out your books, and administering late fees. I could never understand why you needed a Master's Degree to do that. Then I read

Scott Douglas really opened my eyes to how much good a quality librarian can be to a community. He has so many stories of people he helped, from feeding hungry kids to helping someone craft a resume to being a good friend to some older patrons who lacked company in their lives. He tells his stories in a swift moving, humorous way that never comes across as self-righteous. He did not speak highly of the Master's program he had to take to become an official librarian. It seems that my suspicions were somewhat founded. I do feel like a Master's is necessary in this field, but should concern itself more with psychology or group dynamics than the Dewey Decimal system. I followed this up with

Yes, that is Hugh Laurie from "House." I was a little skeptical of this novel based on that fact, but it turns out that Mr. Laurie can write really well. He wasn't just given a free ride based on his cable television fame. This book is funny, suspenseful, and, best of all, full of British humor and dialogue which I love. The plot is well thought out and quite complicated. This will definitely become a movie soon. I can only hope that Simon Pegg will star in it. Moving from print to the big screen, Ivey and I watched

yesterday. I liked it. It's not my favorite Woody Allen film (that honor goes to "Anything Else"), but it definitely has his touch all over it. I was a little annoyed by the two female leads, Rebecca Hall and Scarlett Johansson, for playing the "I just don't know what I want" role a little too much. Javier Bardem starts off as kind of a sleaze, but he really comes off pretty well. One of my favorite aspects of this film was how Allen gave more than usual depth to Chris Messina's charachter, Doug. He could have portrayed him as the one-dimensional New York businessman, all money and gadgets and conservative leanings, but he manages to get out quite a few intelligent, well-spoken lines and really leans the audience more into his corner. Penelope Cruz was totally amazing and by far my favorite character in the film. You will think about this one for awhile after it is over, as Woody never gift wraps and ending for us, which I really like. It's not a bad way to spend a couple of hours.

Nash Bridges and a rainy day

I officially need to go back to work. I sat through an entire episode of "Nash Bridges" today. And I kind of liked it. "Nash Bridges." Seriously.

I have a few defenses for this. It's raining like crazy here. I can't go to the beach or the pool. I could go get a workout in, but of course I'm putting that off until tonight. So, I was sitting on the couch reading a book while my grandpa was watching "Nash Bridges." I started finding myself watching more and reading my book less. This show was captivating me despite the following problems:

1. Cheech is a cop! Is this lost on anyone else? And the thing is, it works for him. If I were going to be arrested, I definitely would want to be arrested by Cheech.
2. Don Johnson's hair is unbelievable. There are a few plot points in the episode I just watched that I was willing to suspend disbelief for (we'll get to these later), but I just cannot swallow the fact that the captain of the San Francisco Police Department's special investigation unit is able to maintain this news anchor hair throughout an entire episode.
3. Don Johnson calls everyone "bubba." And somehow this works for him.
4. Jamie P. Gomez (Inspector Evan Cortez) was shot IN THE THROAT BY AN ASSAULT RIFLE during a bank robbery in the opening minutes and somehow made it back to his desk at the office by the end of the episode, which spanned maybe a week in real time.
5. The group of henchmen in this episode (who Don Johnson describes early on as the most professional theives he has ever seen), pull two high profile bank robberies during the first half hour of the show. Then, instead of leaving town and getting away with it, these PROFESSIONALS stick around to pull off an $8 MILLION DOLLAR FOOD STAMP HEIST. I would love to say that you can't make this stuff up, but someone obviously did and managed to sell it to the producers of "Nash Bridges" to form an episode. Of course the theives manage to kidnap Nash and Cheech and are killed when Nash picks the lock of his handcuffs and drives a 1983 Ford Pinto (that he and Cheech had recovered for a professional baseball player) into the building, blowing it up just after he and Cheech leap from the second story. How did this show ever get cancelled?

I need to find a hobby.

The Man in the Mirror

I've been reading a lot of self-reflecting books lately. This hasn't been on purpose, it's just sort of worked out that way. They say these things happen in threes, and it appears that they are right. Exhibit A:

This book is about many things, but it is written by Dave Eggers and any book written by Dave Eggers is inherently about Dave Eggers. This is not a criticism. It really never comes off as self-absorbed or egocentric when Dave Eggers does it. He is an incredible writer. One of the best I have ever read. The inside of his head may be the most interesting place on the planet, which is one of the reasons he is able to get away with writing about himself so much. I've also read

David Sedaris may be one of the funniest people ever. And, I just found out, he attended WCU for like half a semester before dropping out and transferring to Kent State. I don't have a lot in common with David Sedaris. His family is way more messed up than mine. I'm not gay. I have never penned a best-selling novel. I would never live in Paris. Basically, we're both from North Carolina (although, to be fair, he's from Raleigh which might as well be in another universe from Sylva). He really has a way of connecting with his reader, though, and I really started to feel like I was very much like Davis Sedaris by the end of the book which is not even remotely true. That is why he is a good writer and that is why everyone should read this book. I'm glad Ivey let me borrow it. Now we move on to the third portion of my self-obsessed trifecta of writers. He's probably not the best at it (Dave Eggers might as well write his stuff as he strolls across the nearest lake or river) and he doesn't like Jim Morrison. He's one of those guys that can make you feel inadequate if you don't share the same taste in obscure 80's pop music. Did I mention he has an acute hatred of Jim Morrison? Normally this would bother me, but I've got to look past it because this

is already on my top ten favorite books of all time and climbing fast. I feel like I read it in about five minutes. I could not put it down. Chuck Klosterman was already one of my favorite writers. I've probably read "Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs" fifteen times. He's great when he's commenting on pop culture, but he really took it to another level with this candid look into his personal life. The pop culture stuff is still there in spades, but it's the "High Fidelity" aspect of the book that really hooked me and kept me quickly turning the pages. Please read this book. It doesn't get any better than this. So, all of this has led me here:

Yes, that's Robert Downey Jr. And I'm sure you're wondering (and rightfully so) how these three books led to Robert Downey Jr. I will tell you. It's the combination of a late night, soul-searching phone conversation, the forced self-reflection of the aforementioned books, and, possibly, the fact that I went to see "Tropic Thunder" tonight (which is freaking awesome by the way). You see, guys like Robert Downey Jr. are my favorite kind of guys. Guys who have it all, but for some reason or another just can't quite get it together enough to lead a normal life. It fascinates me to no end to see these guys blow it when they have it made. Well, that sounds terrible. I don't necessarily want to see them fail, I'm actually pulling hard for them. It's just that the propensity to blow it all is what makes them so damn interesting in the first place. People like Downey (huge drug problem), Charlie Sheen (drugs, hookers) and Jim Morrison (wasted talent, drugs, early death) seem so much more real than all the other cookie cutter celebrities. I feel like I can see a little of myself in them. Not so much in the money or looks department, just the propensity to self-destruct. There are a long list of things in my life that I feel I have deliberately sabatoged in one way or another so that things did not go smoothly and I would seem more interesting. I do this with school, work, relationships........my idiocy often knows no bounds. I like to think that I don't ever work on a novel because of this and that I can really finish one whenever I want. This is probably not even close to being true as I am sure that I am now romanticizing this entire situation as it applies to these guys and then trying desperately to apply it to my own life so that I have a built-in excuse for when I fail at something. In reality, I'm probably just too lazy to complete a novel. Self-sabotage just seems so much more damned interesting than lazy as hell. I've got to start getting some sleep.